A Cowboy's Guide

A Cowboy's Guide To A Happy Life

1. Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

2. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

3. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

4. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

5. Never ask a man the size of his spread.

6. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

7. If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

8. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

9. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

10. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

11. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

12. Always drink upstream from the herd.

13. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

14. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

15. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

16. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

17. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

18. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Our friend Joe O'Brien added a few more to the list:

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.

Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.

Thanks, Joe.